Consider the Lilies

I have felt for a while that God wants me to share this. This is something very personal yet I feel it can help others. So here goes...

Some of you may already know, but a few years back my husband (Bobby) and I unfortunately suffered the loss of three babies. We had 3 miscarriages in less than a year. It had to be the hardest, most awful year we have endured thus far. I asked God a lot of Why's? I wondered why I was going through this. I mean seriously, I am a professional Nanny. I have taken care of and helped raise many other people's children and I couldn't have my own. I became an emotional mess. During the third pregnancy I was, of course, worried if it would be successful. I was praying and really felt God say "Trust Me". We went for an ultrasound and there was actually a heart beat!! Oh my gosh I cried! (We hadn't seen a heart beat in the other 2 pregnancies.) They said the fluid seemed low so we should come back for another in a week. The next week there was no heart beat. None.

I was devastated.

Our hardest loss yet. I cried out to God, "You told me to trust you!!! Why did this happen???"

After going through some grieving I went to get some testing done to find out what was going on. After A LOT of tests I found out I had low progesterone and estrogen levels which made it very difficult to sustain a pregnancy. During the testing period Bobby got laid off not once...but twice. The first time was for 6 months and the second for 9 months. Both times we were without health insurance so I had to stop going to the Dr. Right before I lost insurance for the second time I was told that they didn't know how many eggs I had left and they didn't know how the quality was of the ones that were. So the Dr wanted me to get moving ahead on trying different methods to have a baby. Well, that couldn't happen because we were not going to have insurance. Bobby and I didn't know what to do. Should we move forward without insurance? Should we just trust in what God is doing? What should we do?!!
We decided we should do a fast. We both had never done one before. We prayed and felt we needed to do a 3 day juice fast. Each time we were supposed to eat we prayed. We had times when we prayed with each other and on our own. During the fast God had reminded me of verses in the Bible that talked about the faith of Abraham and his wife Sarah who couldn't get pregnant. Because of the faith of Abraham she ended up having a son at a very old age. At the end of the fast we felt at peace and just felt we needed to trust God's plan for us. We didn't feel we had a clear plan to go ahead with trying to get pregnant, but knew we needed to just trust God. That is something I could tell God was really working on with me. Trusting in Him!

Well after the fast, some things started to happen. The day after we ended the fast we went to see a movie. This movie was a pretty emotional movie but I was surprisingly not crying AT ALL through it. (Very unusual for me since the miscarriages.) Except at the end. A little girl introduced herself as Lily and I literally, out of nowhere, started BAWLING my eyes out. Bobby had no idea what was going on. I didn't know what was going on. All I could say to Bobby was, "I really like the name Lily!" I had no idea where that came from. I used to like the name as a child but never thought much of it as an adult. Well then God was showing me Lilies EVERYWHERE!! He just kept on reminding of this name. I had no idea why but felt it meant something.

One morning during church service I felt I was supposed to look up the biblical meaning of the name Lily. So when I got home I did. My jaw literally fell wide open. I mean God has been working on getting me to trust Him. So guess what the biblical meaning if Lily is??? TRUST IN GOD!!! What??!! Oh my gosh! Okay God!! I TRUST you! So from then on I decided to Trust in God's plan, whatever that may be!

It has been a little over year since God gave me the name Lily and convinced me to Trust Him. I still have my moments but I know His plan for me is perfect and I know I will feel that way whenever a child does come into our lives. Well, I just recently had one of my low moments. I was wondering when God was going to give us a child. I had just finally got medical insurance again and the specialist I was seeing didn't take it. I was so bummed. So I was confused and trying to figure out who I should go see. I was questioning things again. Well, God completely knew how to grab my attention. I was sitting in a Wednesday night Bible Study at church and we were studying the parables. We were discussing about why God doesn't want us to worry. This verse was then read to us; "...Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin," Matthew 6:28 ESV. That verse was followed up by our leader reading some insight from the study and it said

"Lilies can grow in the most unlikely environments."

OH MY GOSH!!! I almost started bawling my eyes out in the middle of class! I mean did I hear that right. Sometimes I know I space out and don't hear things right or fully but this time I knew I heard that loud and clear!

LILIES CAN GROW IN THE MOST UNLIKELY ENVIRONMENTS!!!

Seriously God, you amaze me! First you show me the name Lily. THEN you show me it means trust in God. THEN you tell me that! I mean I have an unlikely environment. I am telling you all this because I really do feel that one day I will get my Lily. I know Lily is a girl's name but I don't know for sure if it means we will have a girl. I just know God used that name to tell me things I needed to hear and to show me I can trust Him. I know someday in the future I will be able to show you that what God has shown me is real. I hope some of you who may be waiting as well can get something out of this post. Maybe some hope. Maybe to trust in God's plan for your life as well. But all I know is I need to "consider the lilies."

Doing more damage to ourselves...

So I am not sure if this will be empowering or humiliating but I keep feeling I have to share so here goes... There are so many things that people who are over weight and self conscious, or people who are just self conscious in any form think in their own heads. I know there are times when I am walking in or leaving a room, driving down the street, or basically doing anything where i think negative thoughts about myself. Yes, i had a lot of negative influences growing up and reasons why i am the way I am, but ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! It will be a process and it will be hard but its gotta stop and I challenge you to stop too! For Example, some of the things I think in my head when I walk into a room are: "these people must be thinking who is that fat girl walking in" or "she is so big", and even if I know the people and are friends with them I can think "why am I friends with a big girl". While walking out of a room I think EVERYONE is talking about me. Usually in a negative way. It is hard to overcome things from when you were younger. Even if they are talking about you. So what??! Not my problem! Even if I dont hear it, God hears it. They are the ones being judged in that moment not me! One of the things I do while I am driving down the road is: Whenever a car is going to pass me I tend to raise my left hand with my wedding rings on it as if to say "I am married. Yes someone would marry me". Isnt that horrible. But its the truth. Even though other people did damage to our self esteem when we were younger, we continue doing more damage to ourselves. There are so many more negative thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis and with God's help I will get those out of my head and replace them with the things that God says about me. God made us who we are for a reason and He loves us for who we are NO MATTER WHAT!! And that is all that matters. I am going to post this quote from someone I know that just happened to put it as her status the day I wanted to post this. So here it is. "Who am I? I am strong, beautiful, loved, whole, gifted, wise, rescued, forgiven, powerful, sound-minded and wonderfully created. I AM a daughter of the HIGHEST KING. Not because I think I am, but because HE thinks I am . I AM" -Ashley King So while I am challenging myself and working on myself, I challenge you to see yourself for you God sees you as. And stop doing more damage to ourselves than others have done to us.

Our own Biggest Loser Competition

Hey Everyone, Sorry for my very overdue post. Life is well....life. Such a crazy busy life but such a blessing! I had enjoyed my summer working and doing some fun summer activities. I was still very conscious of making myself healthy and have been continuing to make better choices. I ended up maintaining my weight over the summer. I didnt lose but i didnt gain either! A first for me! But as the end of the summer was approaching I wanted to get back into my life changing body renovation again but something was stopping me. I prayed and asked God to light a fire under me to get me going again. Later in that day I got to meet my new baby girl charge (little girl i nanny for) and was very envious of someone else having a baby. Then my brother mentioned a weight loss contest his company is participating in and the top team wins $10,000!!!! Talk about lighting a fire! So, we just started that competition last thursday and it goes until December 9th. Two of my brothers, my husband, my brothers girlfriend and myself are on the team. We are working out and eating nice healthy dinners together. It has been great not only for our health but for our family relationships. I was reminded from a friend that I can have all the motivation in the world but I wont have success unless I do this for me. I took that and decided I am doing this for me!! I NEED to do this for me!! So anyways, I will keep you posted on my progress through this competion. Thank you again for all your support through this.

If this post was a type of dog it would be a mut!

Because it is filled with all different kinds of info.
I am continuing on my weight loss journey and have almosy hit the 20 lb loss mark! Well on my way to my 30lb loss goal by the time I go to Texas at the end of May! I have been wanting a better way to keep track of my food intake so I joined weight watchers. So far so good. First week and I lost 3 lbs! I am excited because I was pretty sick with a bad cold this week and i couldnt do much for exercising but i stuck to eating within my points so it worked out well!
I am glad the nice weather is arriving and hopefully stays. I want to go out for more walks and possibly start doing the couch to 5k again. I keep getting shin splints so I am finding out more ways to help prevent them so hopefully all those tips help.
My trainer will probably start training me at the local high school track soon and this way anyone who is doing the Relay for Life walk with us can join in to help train for the walk.
I want to thank those who have already donated! I am only $10 away from my personal goal but our team goal is $1000 so I want to get more to help towards that. If you are able to donate then please let me know and I will send you the link. (please say your full name if you comment below so I know who you are!)
I am excited about almost hitting 20lbs lost and will hopefully have surpassed that by my next weigh in on Saturday morning. I have changed my weigh in day to Saturday from Monday to make it easier.
My 4 yr Anniversary is coming up and I am not sure what me and my husband will do. We are so busy around that time so we will see. Bobby is really loving his new job so we are really happy about that and I have some more job security because my boss is expecting a baby (85% sure its a girl!) at the end of August! Well thank you for all your support and prayers!

Just an update!

Just wanted to give everyone an update on how things are going. It is definitely a daily struggle but I still feel like this is going to be the time where I see it through until the end. I have been exercising consistently. I still want to be doing more but it is so hard to find the time. I am scheduling in when I can and I have been going 3 times a week on average.
My trainer has been awesome, even though I cant walk for 2 days after she trains me. She has been so supportive. She calls or texts regularly to see how I am doing and to keep me motivated. She is great!
One thing I decided to try out doing was the Couch to 5K training program that basically trains you to run a 5k within 9 weeks. I am taking longer to finish. The first week I did for 2 weeks and I just started the second week. I will most likely do the second week twice too. I am surprised at how I can get through it and how I actually enjoy it! It is hard but it gets easier as I go.
I am losing weight every week except 1 where I stayed the same. So far 14 lbs lost and going.
We have made small goals to help. I go to Texas in May to visit my friend Shelley (soooo excited) and I want to have lost 30lbs by then. Also, my 30th birthday is in August and I want to reach the 50lb loss mark by then. Anyways, thats my update!

"Don't worry, I know CPR!"

On Saturday (a week and a half ago) I had my first training session. My friend came and I really didnt know what to expect. We did cardio and weights. One thing she had me do was the eliptical, which happens to be my worst enemy. My heart rate goes sky high on it. Anyways, she had me do 2 min at my normal pace and 1 min fast for a total of 15 min. As I was doing it and not knowing if I would make it she was very supportive and told me that I can do it. She also told me that she knew CPR so I didnt have to worry. Haha! Well I made it through! She told me to do what I could on my own during the week. On Monday I decided to try the eliptical on my own without someone there pushing me and I made it through exactly how she had me do it! When I wanted to stop I just told myself that I got through it Saturday and there is no reason why I couldnt now. So I did!
I weighed in that Saturday morning before my workout and I was 303.5lbs.
During the week I was able to exercise and eat pretty well and by the time my weigh in came for this past Saturday I had lost 4 lbs!!!! So now I am 299.5!!! I am under 300!! WOOHOO!! I know that is such a HUGE number for most of you, but to me that is GREAT! Even tho it is just the beginning I feel so good about myself right now. If I have a bad day I just get right back into the next. My next training session is this Saturday. Thanks for all your continued support!

Time to set my Priorities straight!

So, I guess it is true. Life gets in the way. More than that my mind gets in the way. I work a lot, I do a lot outside of work and I havent really made "Losing It" a priority. Now its time to. I am so excited that starting this Saturday I have someone that is gonna start training me on a biweekly basis (to start and will try to get our schedules together for more). She also told me about a Relay for Cancer walk/run coming up in July that we will be "buddies" for and will train for together. It is amazing to me every time God answers my prayers. I was just saying that I wish I could have a free trainer to be there to push me and be there for me through my journey and I believe God has provided that. I also got a lead on maybe someone else that may be able to help out so I could have someone with me multiple times a week. I am very excited about this and I am going to make the most of it.
I am going to weigh in Saturday morning and see where I am at before my training starts and I will give an update about that in my next post.
Bobby is still looking for a job. It has been hard but so far we were blessed to go for so long without having to use anything in our savings up until now. This was the first month we had to pull from it so we will see how long that lasts. We signed a new lease but if he doesnt get a job we probably wont make it through the whole year, but I know God will provide as He always does in times of need. If we are faithful to Him then He is to us.
This month I also signed up for a free photography workshop called the Joy of Love by Willette Designs. I am very excited because they give you an assigment each day and every one focuses on things you love. I signed up so I can take a month and focus on something I love every day. I think it will help me a lot, in photography AND in life.
I am also looking for some nice, healthy, quick and easy recipes so if you have any please email them to me @ stephylyn25@aol.com Thanks!