Just an update!

Just wanted to give everyone an update on how things are going. It is definitely a daily struggle but I still feel like this is going to be the time where I see it through until the end. I have been exercising consistently. I still want to be doing more but it is so hard to find the time. I am scheduling in when I can and I have been going 3 times a week on average.
My trainer has been awesome, even though I cant walk for 2 days after she trains me. She has been so supportive. She calls or texts regularly to see how I am doing and to keep me motivated. She is great!
One thing I decided to try out doing was the Couch to 5K training program that basically trains you to run a 5k within 9 weeks. I am taking longer to finish. The first week I did for 2 weeks and I just started the second week. I will most likely do the second week twice too. I am surprised at how I can get through it and how I actually enjoy it! It is hard but it gets easier as I go.
I am losing weight every week except 1 where I stayed the same. So far 14 lbs lost and going.
We have made small goals to help. I go to Texas in May to visit my friend Shelley (soooo excited) and I want to have lost 30lbs by then. Also, my 30th birthday is in August and I want to reach the 50lb loss mark by then. Anyways, thats my update!

"Don't worry, I know CPR!"

On Saturday (a week and a half ago) I had my first training session. My friend came and I really didnt know what to expect. We did cardio and weights. One thing she had me do was the eliptical, which happens to be my worst enemy. My heart rate goes sky high on it. Anyways, she had me do 2 min at my normal pace and 1 min fast for a total of 15 min. As I was doing it and not knowing if I would make it she was very supportive and told me that I can do it. She also told me that she knew CPR so I didnt have to worry. Haha! Well I made it through! She told me to do what I could on my own during the week. On Monday I decided to try the eliptical on my own without someone there pushing me and I made it through exactly how she had me do it! When I wanted to stop I just told myself that I got through it Saturday and there is no reason why I couldnt now. So I did!
I weighed in that Saturday morning before my workout and I was 303.5lbs.
During the week I was able to exercise and eat pretty well and by the time my weigh in came for this past Saturday I had lost 4 lbs!!!! So now I am 299.5!!! I am under 300!! WOOHOO!! I know that is such a HUGE number for most of you, but to me that is GREAT! Even tho it is just the beginning I feel so good about myself right now. If I have a bad day I just get right back into the next. My next training session is this Saturday. Thanks for all your continued support!

Time to set my Priorities straight!

So, I guess it is true. Life gets in the way. More than that my mind gets in the way. I work a lot, I do a lot outside of work and I havent really made "Losing It" a priority. Now its time to. I am so excited that starting this Saturday I have someone that is gonna start training me on a biweekly basis (to start and will try to get our schedules together for more). She also told me about a Relay for Cancer walk/run coming up in July that we will be "buddies" for and will train for together. It is amazing to me every time God answers my prayers. I was just saying that I wish I could have a free trainer to be there to push me and be there for me through my journey and I believe God has provided that. I also got a lead on maybe someone else that may be able to help out so I could have someone with me multiple times a week. I am very excited about this and I am going to make the most of it.
I am going to weigh in Saturday morning and see where I am at before my training starts and I will give an update about that in my next post.
Bobby is still looking for a job. It has been hard but so far we were blessed to go for so long without having to use anything in our savings up until now. This was the first month we had to pull from it so we will see how long that lasts. We signed a new lease but if he doesnt get a job we probably wont make it through the whole year, but I know God will provide as He always does in times of need. If we are faithful to Him then He is to us.
This month I also signed up for a free photography workshop called the Joy of Love by Willette Designs. I am very excited because they give you an assigment each day and every one focuses on things you love. I signed up so I can take a month and focus on something I love every day. I think it will help me a lot, in photography AND in life.
I am also looking for some nice, healthy, quick and easy recipes so if you have any please email them to me @ stephylyn25@aol.com Thanks!

I am sooo NOT in control!

Hey Everyone!
Sorry for the long delay. Life hasnt been going as planned, but yet, when does it ever? I am learning more and more each day that I am not in control and my plans dont mean much. It is all in God's plan and control.
Unfortunately the weight loss journey has been on hold. I have been trying to make better decisions over all but I barely have time to think about it.
I went back to the Dr to get the results to all the fertility testing I had and I believe we at least have an answer to why I keep miscarrying. The average woman's cycle is @ 28 days. Mine is @23 days. We figured out that I do not have enough estrogin and progesterone which lengthens your cycle as well as supports a pregnancy. Good news is it is fixable (medically speaking. we arent sure what God's plans are). Bad news is now is not the time to be fixing it. We cant try for a child again because of the situation we are in.
Bobby has been laid off for about 4 months now. The severance has stopped and we are currently without health insurance. We are applying to Mass Health but everything is so up in the air right now. We knew we were going toget the letter any day that mentioned how much our rent was going to go up but we knew thought that we had 30 days before the end of our lease to give them notice that we had to move out. That would have been January 28. Unfortunately we have until Dec 27th to let them know. So if Bobby doesnt get a job by then we will have to give out notice and move by the end of February. Its gets even more complicated because we have to stay in Burlington. Bobby did really great on his fire fighter tests and the town may be hiring soon. If we were to move out of town he would lose those chances. And so far, there is NOTHING in Burlington we can afford on just my salary. We dont have a clue what we are going to do. I completely trust in direction God has us going, but I wish we would get there already. This year (year and a half now) has been so upsetting and overwhelming to me and all I want is to stop going downhill. I am taking any hours I can possibly get so I am working a ton and I am exhausted. On top of it all, I am sad for a couple reasons. We are not able to buy presents for anyone this year. I know that is not what Christmas is supposed to be about but I know I will be sitting there Christmas day with everyone passing presents they got us and I will just be so depressed that I couldnt give anything to anyone. I love giving people things they want or I think they will enjoy. Another reason I am a little depressed is I was due around Christmas this year with my last pregancy. We had found out that it would have been a girl so everytime I (and my husband) see little girls in their cute little Christmas outfits, I just get so sad. I know it will get better and I know I am going to look back on this many years from now and be so blessed by what we have been given. It is just really, really hard right now.

This is the verse that Bobby and I are continually being reminded of and is giving us some peace on the situation
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Maintenance Required

Just an update. I did a weigh in this morning which I havent done in a little while. I am happy to say I have maintained my weight. (304lbs) I probably gained a couple then lost those couple but considering what could have happened I am proud. I still have A LOT of work to do. I need to get back to excercing on a regular basis and eat better. It has been so hard and I think with all my testing I have some reasons along with I just need to do it.
I have mentioned in my last post that my glucose levels were off which could mean I am prediabetic but we didnt get to talk about it at my last appointment because my Dr. was running late when I went in for my Endometrial Biopsy. I had that procedure (which hurt a lot by the way) and am glad it is over. I go in on Oct 11th to get those results (he was testing for the level of hormones I produce at a certain time in my cycle to see if they are enough to support the beginning of a pregnancy). We will also talk about my glucose test results that day. So I will keep you all posted and I plan on getting my exercise on! I need a lot of maintenace in the eating better and exercise departments and hope to have those up and running ASAP!

And the beat goes on...

Hey Everyone,
I know I havent blogged in a while but this month has been crazy busy. I have had a couple more downs and I just didn't think I could take anymore. My weight loss goals took a back seat and my motivation went down hill. I have been going through more fertility testing to find out what may be causing the miscarriages and Bobby's grandmother passed away. That was such a sad ordeal because not only is it hard losing someone, but the government (she was on section 8) gives you 14 days after the passing to get her stuff out of the apartment. Bobby and I were supposed to go on a much needed vacation and instead we were at his Grandmothers house everyday cleaning it out. Such a hard process when you are trying to grieve. I felt guilty because I was grieving the loss of Bobbby's gramma but at times I could not believe I wasn't going on vacation. I just felt like it was just another dissapointment this year has handed to me.
Like I said, I have also been doing more testing and feel like it is just one test after another. Most recently I had a 3hr glucose test and it seems my sugar went up really high. My doctor may put me on Metformin, a Type 2 diabetes med but I go back to see him on Oct 1st to talk more about it. I am also having another test done that day called an Endometrial biopsy. They are going to biopsy my uterus. He says my uterus may not be providing enough hormones to a fetus to help the numbers (HCG and Progesterone) go up so thats what I am having that done. I am not looking forward to it because it will be painful.
Even with all this going on, I am seeing the things God is doing in my life. I don't know how people get through things without the faith in God. I feel he is already using me getting through this year to help out a friend I have been recently connected to who is going through a hard time right now. I know I am learning to trust God more and that I can't be in control of everything, (or anything really). With the childhood I had, I have had trouble with wanting to be in control so I can control how everything turns out for me. But more and more I am realizing no matter how in control I feel, I never really am.
So now with the possible Diabetes diagnosis I need to lose the weight and get healthy more than ever. I need your help and support. I need walking buddies. I was also thinking of starting an exercise group where we do some sort of fun dance exercising like Zumba or other videos like that. I love dancing but not comfortable (as well as can't afford right now) taking a class. But I would be willing to be with others who would love to find a fun way to exercise but are usually uncomfortable doing it around others. This way we know everyone else is uncomfortable too and we can just get over it. Well let me know if you want to join me in any of that. I am going to start weighing in Monday and start over with weekly weigh ins. Thank you to all who have been asking me about my blog and keeping up with me.

Testing...Testing 123

So this week I am being tested in more ways then 1. I am being tested with food temptations and unfortunately they got the best of me. We went out to eat way too much this past week. I went back to my "we deserve it" mentality. UGH! Really?
Last week was hard and one of the things that my husband remembered it that it was one year ago I found out I was pregnant for the first time. So hard to remember that. And here we are this week finding out test results from the fertility testing I am doing.
We went to the Dr. on Monday to get the results to all the blood they took out of me. The good news is it all came back normal. The bad news is that means more testing. They took more blood out of me (only 2 vials instead of the 12 from before), I have to have a 3 hr glucose test done on Sept. 13, and I will most like have to have an endometrial biopsy done where they biopsy my uterus. I may not be producing enough hormones to support a pregnancy and this will help determine if that may be the case. On top of all that I need to take my basal temp every day for who knows how long. I have to record the temp and everything else personal that goes along with it. (if you really want to know you can go to fertilityfriend.com and look it up.)
Anyways, back to my reality of my weight. I gained a half a pound this week. I am both proud of my self and of course dissapointed in my self. I ate way too much but I did walk A LOT! I have been greatful to have some parents in a playgroup I am in my the little boy I take care of come on walks with me last week. I really appreciate everyones support!
Next week is my birthday week (Aug 23) and I will be taking a much needed vacation with my hubby! We havent been away alone since our honeymoon and it is much needed. A friend from church is letting us stay in her house in Maine. I am so thankful for this blessing as well. If she wasn't able to let us stay then this vacation wouldn't be happening with Bobby's layoff. The great thing is we can go grocery shopping and be in very much control of our food intake. My goal is for this to be the first vacation I come back weighing less then when I got there. We will be going for lots of nice walks and exercise together. I can't wait! I am not sure if I will have internet connection or not so most likely there will be no blog post next week unless there is. But when I get back I hope to have a positive blog post with pictures of our getaway!