I Am Losing It In So Many Ways!

Hello Everyone!
I have decided to start a blog! This blog will mostly be about my weight loss journey, but I plan to include life updates and how my faith in God is getting me through it all. I hope this helps me be accountable as well as being an inspiration to others!

I will give you a little background on myself and what led me to starting this blog:
I grew up one of 6 children. I definitely had my share of challenges in my childhood. My mother was a single mom most of the time. She did the best she could with what she had. My father went to jail when I was 5 for sexually abusing us. Childhood was tough for me. I did have some great moments and have some happy memories but unfortunately the negative apects of my childhood are in the forefront of my mind. I try to switch it but so far to no avail...
I met my husband when I was 13 (we didn't get married until I was 25) and that helped me get through my high school years. When I went to college I decided to change how I let people walk all over me and that helped me become more outgoing. I also started attending the church my husband grew up in and accepting Jesus as my Lord and Saviour has been life changing!
So fast forward....I got married to my "middle school" sweetheart on April 20, 2007. The BEST day of my life so far! He has gotten me through soo much! God knew I needed a man like him in my life and I am so grateful everyday I wake up next to him!
I have battled with being overweight my whole life. I have done a lot of different things to try and lose weight (nothing drastic or illegal). Out of my whole life this year has proven to be the hardest year I have ever gone through and I need to turn my life around.
My husband and I found out in August of 2009 that I was pregnant! We were so excited! I work as a professional nanny and have taken care of other people's children for years so the thought of having my own was awesome! Soon after we found out that the HCG levels were really low and that it was just a chemical pregnancy. (A pregnancy where the egg and the sperm meet but an embryo never implants.) So I had a miscarriage at about 5-6 weeks into the pregancy. It was devastating. We were told that a lot of women have one with their first and a lot don't even know it. So that gave me hope! We found out in November 2009 that I was pregnant again! I decided I didn't want to keep getting my HCG levels checked because it would drive me nuts. I would just wait until my 7 week ultrasound to see the doctor. The weekend before the u/s I started bleeding a little and I went to the ER. They did an internal u/s and saw a nice sac but didn't see an embryo. They told me that sometimes you can't see it that early so it gave me some hope. At my scheduled u/s that Monday they saw the same thing so they wanted to check it a week later. There was no growth and they told me I would lose that pregnancy. Heartbreak again! This time I went through a D and C because it was getting close to Christmas and the process was just awful. They did some testing on the tissue and found a chromosone abnormality so they had me and my husband go in for a genetic blood test. Fortunately, we both had no genetic abnormalities but what is cauing this to happen?
After the 2nd miscarriage we didn't know what we were gonna do. We got through Christmas and the next few months still undecided. To our surprise in April 2010 I found out I was yet again, pregnant! I didn't get excited at first. It was hard to think that this pregnancy could be successful. I tried to have faith. My levels at first were doubleing like they were supposed to and that helped. When we went for the first u/s we actually saw an embryo in the sac! It was small and they wanted us to have a repeat u/s the following week to check for growth and a heartbeat. So back we went the following week and there was a baby and a heartbeat! The best thing I have ever seen. They still wanted us to come back the next week because it was on the small side but I had so much more hope that this was actually gonna happen! A week later devastation struck again. No heartbeat. The baby had passed away. I just was in shock. I couldn't believe it! I was crying in the exam room. As the Dr. left I just cried out..."but there was a heartbeat last week!" So I ended up having another D and C the following Friday.
All 3 losses were hard but the 3rd one has been the hardest yet. I cry A lot at random things. I am envious of every person I see pregnant or has a child. It is constant in my mind.
We don't know for sure if my weight has anything to do with it. My OB told me that it isn't my fault but it is always in the back of my mind. I am going in August to see a specialist to do some further testing but I have decided that even if my weight did not cause these losses I needed to get it under control. I hope to have a healthy full term pregnancy some day and I believe the child God blesses me with deserves a healthy mommy.
So here is the start of my journey. My overall goal is to lose over 160lbs. I started this journey a week ago when my husband and I decided to do this together. We are going to do weekly weigh ins. My starting weight was 310.5 lbs. OMG!! This is the first time I am letting people know what I weigh. It is embarassing and I just cringed when I saw the number myself so I would appreciate everyone being supportive and no negativity allowed on this blog!
I am happy to report that my weigh in this morning was 305lbs. (did I just say happy about 305lbs?) I lost 5.5 lbs in the first week. Definitely helps with the motivation! I will be weighing in every Monday morning and will keep you posted throughout my journey. I will post my successes and my downfalls. I will post what seems to be working and what isn't. I will even post when I didn't eat well. The only way I am going to be successful is to be completely open and honest throughout this entire journey. I have had many Dr's tell me I should do weight loss surgery. That is my LAST option! I am trying to avoid that and I need your help! I am sorry this first post is sooo long but it is the first post! Thank you in advance for all your support and accountability throughout this process. All are welcome to comment and post their advice. I will post a "before" pic when I find one that I am the least embarrassed about. Love you all!!